Africana55 Radio 
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For all the whining I’ve done about being up the duff, I’ve barely given any column inches to the other person involved. No, not the baby (still four-ish more glorious child-free weeks to go!) – rather my husband, my baby daddy.
With just weeks to go before I leave work and then give birth (supposedly on Friday 13th, luckily I'm not superstitious) I’m noticing more and more how differently we’re both approaching the birth of our firstborn.
For starters: I’ve made endless lists with titles like “baby s**t” – where I’ve meticulously colour-coded what we have and haven’t yet bought. I’m the one who has ordered the baby wipes and nappies from Sainsbury’s; I’ve ordered what looks like most of Milton Keynes’ Amazon depot and skimmed the Gina Ford book about sleep routines. (To my husband’s defence, he has put up the cot and the Babyzen Yoyo pram… when I asked him to.) Oh, and I’ve arranged various dates for grandparents to look after our new-born son when we’re off getting trolleyed at friends’ weddings this summer.
By contrast, my husband gets an encouraging pat on the back when he simply volunteers that, “labour can last a long time” at a NCT class; all he got from me was an eyeroll.
Maybe we’re approaching the impending life change differently, or maybe it’s just that women are conditioned to carry the emotional weight of the pregnancy and birth without making a fuss. It struck me on a recent visit to the labour ward – more bleeding, more panic from midwives, more jabs of anti-D to stop my negative blood mixing with the baby’s positive blood – that I’d spent hours, even days, of my life in this waiting room whereas he’s still never seen the inside of the hospital where we’ll welcome our baby son. That isn’t his fault, necessarily; it’s just an observation.
We’re also a mixed-race couple with differing religious views. As a result, we’re also coming up against some of life’s Big Issues that we have ignored until now – despite getting married nearly four years ago. The first one: do we christen our child? We can’t agree. He (Christian) isn’t keen because he thinks I’ll be uncomfortable swearing to bring up our child according to God's word; I (agnostic) don’t really mind because it feels like a good celebration and an excuse to get everybody together. We’ve come to a compromise for now: my husband will take the baby to church every now and again – I’ve agreed purely so I can be left to read the Sunday papers in peace – and the kid can decide when he’s old enough which religion, if any, he wants to join.
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1/10 Malala Yousafzai
"One child, one teacher, one pen and one book can change the world." United Nations Youth Assembly, New York, 2013
Getty Images
2/10 Michelle Obama
“Whether it was during my time as a lawyer, as an administrator at a university, a nonprofit manager, even now as First Lady, I’ve never once asked someone I was interviewing to explain a test score or a grade in a class -- never. I’ve never once made a hire just because someone went to an Ivy League school instead of a state school -- never. What I have looked for is what kind of person you are. Are you a hard worker? Are you reliable? Are you open to other viewpoints? Have you stepped outside of your own self-interest to serve others? Have you found a way to serve our country, whether in uniform or in your community?” Commencement address at Eastern Kentucky University, Kentucky, 2013
Getty
3/10 Emma Watson
"I have realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop." United Nations, New York, 2014
Getty Images
4/10 Patricia Arquette
“To every woman who gave birth to every taxpayer and citizen of this nation, we have fought for everybody else’s equal rights. It’s our time to have wage equality once and for all." Academy Awards, California, 2015
Getty Images
5/10 Hillary Clinton
"All the evidence tells us that despite the enormous obstacles that remain, there has never been a better time in history to be born female. But the data leads to a second conclusion: That despite all this progress, we're just not there yet." Women in The World Summit, New York, 2015
Getty Images
6/10 Gloria Steinem
“We are here and around the world for a deep democracy that says we will not be quiet, we will not be controlled, we will work for a world in which all countries are connected. God may be in the details, but the goddess is in connections. We are at one with each other, we are looking at each other, not up." Women's March in Washington DC, 2017
Getty Images
7/10 Oprah Winfrey
“So I want all the girls watching here and now to know that a new day is on the horizon! And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say, ‘Me too’ again. Thank you.” Golden Globe Awards, California, 2018
NBCUniversal via Getty Images
8/10 Emma Gonzalez
"So we are speaking up for those who don’t have anyone listening to them, for those who can’t talk about it just yet, and for those who will never speak again. We are grieving, we are furious, and we are using our words fiercely and desperately because that’s the only thing standing between us and this happening again.” March for Our Lives rally, Washington DC, 2018
Getty Images
9/10 Tarana Burke
“So much of what we hear about the Me Too Movement is about individual bad actors or depraved, isolated behavior, and it fails to recognize that anybody in a position of power comes with privilege, and it renders those without that power more vulnerable. Teachers and students, coaches and athletes, law enforcement and citizen, parent and child: these are all relationships that can have an incredible imbalance of power. But we reshape that imbalance by speaking out against it in unison and by creating spaces to speak truth to power. We have to reeducate ourselves and our children to understand that power and privilege doesn't always have to destroy and take -- it can be used to serve and build. And we have to re-educate ourselves to understand that, unequivocally, every human being has the right to walk through this life with their full humanity intact.” Ted Women, California, 2018
Getty Images for Comedy Central
10/10 Greta Thunberg
"The eyes of all future generations are upon you. And if you choose to fail us, I say - we will never forgive you." UN Climate Summit, New York, 2019
Getty Images
1/10 Malala Yousafzai
"One child, one teacher, one pen and one book can change the world." United Nations Youth Assembly, New York, 2013
Getty Images
2/10 Michelle Obama
“Whether it was during my time as a lawyer, as an administrator at a university, a nonprofit manager, even now as First Lady, I’ve never once asked someone I was interviewing to explain a test score or a grade in a class -- never. I’ve never once made a hire just because someone went to an Ivy League school instead of a state school -- never. What I have looked for is what kind of person you are. Are you a hard worker? Are you reliable? Are you open to other viewpoints? Have you stepped outside of your own self-interest to serve others? Have you found a way to serve our country, whether in uniform or in your community?” Commencement address at Eastern Kentucky University, Kentucky, 2013
Getty
3/10 Emma Watson
"I have realized that fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. If there is one thing I know for certain, it is that this has to stop." United Nations, New York, 2014
Getty Images
4/10 Patricia Arquette
“To every woman who gave birth to every taxpayer and citizen of this nation, we have fought for everybody else’s equal rights. It’s our time to have wage equality once and for all." Academy Awards, California, 2015
Getty Images
5/10 Hillary Clinton
"All the evidence tells us that despite the enormous obstacles that remain, there has never been a better time in history to be born female. But the data leads to a second conclusion: That despite all this progress, we're just not there yet." Women in The World Summit, New York, 2015
Getty Images
6/10 Gloria Steinem
“We are here and around the world for a deep democracy that says we will not be quiet, we will not be controlled, we will work for a world in which all countries are connected. God may be in the details, but the goddess is in connections. We are at one with each other, we are looking at each other, not up." Women's March in Washington DC, 2017
Getty Images
7/10 Oprah Winfrey
“So I want all the girls watching here and now to know that a new day is on the horizon! And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight, and some pretty phenomenal men, fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say, ‘Me too’ again. Thank you.” Golden Globe Awards, California, 2018
NBCUniversal via Getty Images
8/10 Emma Gonzalez
"So we are speaking up for those who don’t have anyone listening to them, for those who can’t talk about it just yet, and for those who will never speak again. We are grieving, we are furious, and we are using our words fiercely and desperately because that’s the only thing standing between us and this happening again.” March for Our Lives rally, Washington DC, 2018
Getty Images
9/10 Tarana Burke
“So much of what we hear about the Me Too Movement is about individual bad actors or depraved, isolated behavior, and it fails to recognize that anybody in a position of power comes with privilege, and it renders those without that power more vulnerable. Teachers and students, coaches and athletes, law enforcement and citizen, parent and child: these are all relationships that can have an incredible imbalance of power. But we reshape that imbalance by speaking out against it in unison and by creating spaces to speak truth to power. We have to reeducate ourselves and our children to understand that power and privilege doesn't always have to destroy and take -- it can be used to serve and build. And we have to re-educate ourselves to understand that, unequivocally, every human being has the right to walk through this life with their full humanity intact.” Ted Women, California, 2018
Getty Images for Comedy Central
10/10 Greta Thunberg
"The eyes of all future generations are upon you. And if you choose to fail us, I say - we will never forgive you." UN Climate Summit, New York, 2019
Getty Images
Then there’s the name. We’re sorted for his first name – we’ve gone for a classic biblical one as it happens – but the middle name, which is allowed to be a bit wackier, is harder. I want something that fuses our respective heritages (so, India and...Essex), while my husband, the cryptocurrency nerd, is leaning towards Satoshi, as in Nakamoto, creator of bitcoin. Er, no?
And how to bring up the thing? Do we get into a draconian feeding and sleeping routine from birth, sacrificing our health and happiness in the process; or go down the suck-it-and-see route, ditching the pram outside the nearest pub and forcing the kid to toughen up while we get on with our lives? We’re somewhere in between. I don’t think we’ll ever have all the answers.
While I’m still not excited about the Sisyphean task of having a baby in a mere few weeks, at quitting work and travel for 10 (10!) months, at the idea of everything Down Below getting stretched like carpaccio of beef, my husband is (about the former, at least). In my happy child-free heart I’ll admit there is something nice about seeing your partner excited about something you’re doing together.
There is at least one detail about the birth we can agree on. I've jettisoned any formal birth plan while at the hospital (I just want the baby out in the easiest, quickest and most pain-free way – which will likely involve a lot of drugs). We do have one plan of sorts though: we plan to stop for a pint at the pub opposite the hospital I’m booked at. Because if you can’t justify a trip to the local when in labour – when can you?