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In 2015, Charlize Theron told the world she had broken up with Sean Penn by ignoring his calls and text messages before their relationship gradually fizzled out. The New York Times told readers Theron’s behaviour was known as “ghosting”, meaning to disappear as if you were a ghost. The ultimate silent treatment.
The term had been around since 2006 but only in deep corners of the internet. Given Theron’s celebrity profile the term was then propelled from online forums into mainstream discussion. So much so that it was added to Colin’s Dictionary the same year. But far from being a flash in the pan, it was to mark the beginning of a new linguistic era for love.
Historically “courtship” was the term used to refer to the formal process of a couple getting to know each other. But as society evolved, relationships moved with it. An influx of working women into big cities at the turn of the twentieth century saw courtship morph into “dating”, a word coined, according to Moira Weigel’s “The Invention of Dating” (2016), by a Chicago-based columnist, George Ade, in 1896 to describe his girlfriend starting to see other men.
Unlike its predecessor the term “dating” was more casual and non-committal: perfect for a modernising urban society. Today, dating has again been forced to adapt to the world of technology, which, just as chapters before it, has brought about a seismic shift in both the practice, and the lexicon of lust.
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1/19 Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union
The couples matched in matching Dundas on the red carpet. The actress wore a floor-length cardigan on top of the dress, which featured a high slit in the middle to show off her black high heels. Meanwhile, her husband wore a headpiece and black suit that matched Union’s bejewelled look.
(Credit too long, see caption)
2/19 Tom Brady and Gisele Budchen
The pair wore matching shades of pink on the red carpet. Bündchen looked chic in a pleated metallic pink gown by Dior’s Maria Grazia Chiuri. Meanwhile, the sportsman wore a velvet dark pink tuxedo.
Getty Images
3/19 Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz
The couple contrasted with the light pink red carpet in matching green ensembles. Keys wore a hooded light green sequined dress for the occasion while her beau wore a dark green tuxedo jacket and black trousers.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
4/19 Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez
The newly-engaged couple stunned on the pink carpet. Lopez arrived with her fiancé in a silver sequined-encrusted dress with a deep V-neck plunge and matching headpiece. Meanwhile, Rodriguez wore a pink suit.
(Credit too long, see caption)
5/19 Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner
The pair looked like they’d just stepped out of a video game, with Jenner donning a purple wig and sheer lavender-coloured dress by Versace for the occasion. The reality star’s ensemble featured matching coloured feathered sleeves, while her boyfriend wore a brown and black Dior military-inspired suit.
Getty Images
6/19 Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner
The newly-married couple attended their first Met Gala together this year. The Game of Thrones star wore a Louis Vuitton two-piece ensemble, which had the appearance of a jumpsuit, with an oversized belt. Jonas, meanwhile, coordinated with his wife’s look in a black suit that featured multi-coloured embelishments.
Getty Images
7/19 Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas
Chopra looked every inch as regal as she did on her wedding day to Nick Jonas last year in this stunning silver Dior Haute Couture gown at the Gala. the dress featured feathered ruffles and a matching cape, and was paired with a silver crown and Chopard jewellery. Standing by her side was Jonas, who wore a white Dior Men tuxedo, Chopard jewellery and silver Christian Louboutin shoes.
(Credit too long, see caption)
8/19 James Corden and Julia Carey
The presenter and his wife matched in black and baby pink at the Gala. The comedian teamed his look with a matching neck tie, waist coat and patent black dress shoes.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
9/19 Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Kim Kardashian-West and her husband caused a frenzy on the red carpet. The reality star wore a nude ensemble designed by Mugler, while her husband wore a black jacket and trousers. "This is the first time in 20 years that Mr. Mugler has designed for the House of Thierry Mugler," the media mogul told E! News' Zuri Hall on E!'s Live From the Red Carpet at the Met Gala.
(Credit too long, see caption)
10/19 Megalyn Echikunwoke and Chris Rock
The duo posed side-by-side a pose on the Met Gala stairs. Echikunwoke wore a textured terracotta-coloured patterned dress for the occasion which featured a high neck and cascading mini dress that ran into an elongated train. Meanwhile, her beau kept things simple in a black tuxedo.
AFP/Getty Images
11/19 Zoe Saldana and Marco Perego
The pair channelled disco glamour on the pink carpet at the event. The couple, who have been married for six years, looked effortlessly chid as Saldana teamed her sequined rust-coloured dress by Michael Kors with a matching necktie, sequinned satin clutch, snakeskin platform heels, and purple embellished glowers in her hair. Her husband, meanwhile, kept it causal in a black tuxedo with an open-collared white shirt.
(Credit too long, see caption)
12/19 Charles Melton and Camila Mendes
Riverdale's Camila Mendes and Charles Melton attended their first Met Gala together this evening. Mendes wore a yellow feathered Prabal Gurung gown with a light blue bow tied around the back while her beau complemented her look in a dark Sies Marjan suit.
Getty Images
13/19 Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
The pair made their Met Gala pink carpet debut in coordinating looks. The singer wore a Saint Laurent sequin striped dress with a pair of sheer black dotted patterned leggings. Meanwhile, her husband wore a black suit that matched his wife’s outfit, perfectly.
Getty Images
14/19 Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter
Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter turned things up a notch in their matching ensembles. The actor didn’t hold back in his all-white suit and fedora, while his wife donned a strapless lilac-hued dress with oversized billowing sleeves.
Getty Images
15/19 Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart
The Riverdale pair might have looked like they’d stepped from the pages of a children’s novel at tonight’s gala but their outfits surely packed a sartorial punch. Reinhart wore a blue strapless romper dress with oversized sleeves and a long train, while her beau wore a matching red sleeveless suit jacket and trousers that featured a floral motif.
(Credit too long, see caption)
16/19 Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian
Williams stole the show on the night in a pair of neon yellow Nike trainers designed by Virgil Abloh and a bright yellow Versace floral-printed dress. She walked the red carpet with her husband of two years, who wore a black and white tuxedo.
PA
17/19 Baz Luhrmann, left, and Catherine Martin
Director Baz Luhrmann and his wife Catherine Martin matched in various shades of pink. Martin’s look capitalised on the night’s biggest trend –feathers – with the detailing featuring on the hem of her cuff and trouser legs.
Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
18/19 Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Hilfiger
Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo showed their patriotic side, dressed in a stars and striped motif inspired by the US flag.
(Credit too long, see caption)
19/19 Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble
Jenner looked almost unrecognisable in a blonde wig at the event, dressed in a custom jumpsuit and jacket from Tommy Hilfiger. Her partner, Corey Gamble, coordinated with Jenner’s look in a matching blue tuxedo.
(Credit too long, see caption)
1/19 Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union
The couples matched in matching Dundas on the red carpet. The actress wore a floor-length cardigan on top of the dress, which featured a high slit in the middle to show off her black high heels. Meanwhile, her husband wore a headpiece and black suit that matched Union’s bejewelled look.
(Credit too long, see caption)
2/19 Tom Brady and Gisele Budchen
The pair wore matching shades of pink on the red carpet. Bündchen looked chic in a pleated metallic pink gown by Dior’s Maria Grazia Chiuri. Meanwhile, the sportsman wore a velvet dark pink tuxedo.
Getty Images
3/19 Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz
The couple contrasted with the light pink red carpet in matching green ensembles. Keys wore a hooded light green sequined dress for the occasion while her beau wore a dark green tuxedo jacket and black trousers.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
4/19 Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez
The newly-engaged couple stunned on the pink carpet. Lopez arrived with her fiancé in a silver sequined-encrusted dress with a deep V-neck plunge and matching headpiece. Meanwhile, Rodriguez wore a pink suit.
(Credit too long, see caption)
5/19 Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner
The pair looked like they’d just stepped out of a video game, with Jenner donning a purple wig and sheer lavender-coloured dress by Versace for the occasion. The reality star’s ensemble featured matching coloured feathered sleeves, while her boyfriend wore a brown and black Dior military-inspired suit.
Getty Images
6/19 Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner
The newly-married couple attended their first Met Gala together this year. The Game of Thrones star wore a Louis Vuitton two-piece ensemble, which had the appearance of a jumpsuit, with an oversized belt. Jonas, meanwhile, coordinated with his wife’s look in a black suit that featured multi-coloured embelishments.
Getty Images
7/19 Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas
Chopra looked every inch as regal as she did on her wedding day to Nick Jonas last year in this stunning silver Dior Haute Couture gown at the Gala. the dress featured feathered ruffles and a matching cape, and was paired with a silver crown and Chopard jewellery. Standing by her side was Jonas, who wore a white Dior Men tuxedo, Chopard jewellery and silver Christian Louboutin shoes.
(Credit too long, see caption)
8/19 James Corden and Julia Carey
The presenter and his wife matched in black and baby pink at the Gala. The comedian teamed his look with a matching neck tie, waist coat and patent black dress shoes.
Evan Agostini/Invision/AP
9/19 Kim Kardashian and Kanye West
Kim Kardashian-West and her husband caused a frenzy on the red carpet. The reality star wore a nude ensemble designed by Mugler, while her husband wore a black jacket and trousers. "This is the first time in 20 years that Mr. Mugler has designed for the House of Thierry Mugler," the media mogul told E! News' Zuri Hall on E!'s Live From the Red Carpet at the Met Gala.
(Credit too long, see caption)
10/19 Megalyn Echikunwoke and Chris Rock
The duo posed side-by-side a pose on the Met Gala stairs. Echikunwoke wore a textured terracotta-coloured patterned dress for the occasion which featured a high neck and cascading mini dress that ran into an elongated train. Meanwhile, her beau kept things simple in a black tuxedo.
AFP/Getty Images
11/19 Zoe Saldana and Marco Perego
The pair channelled disco glamour on the pink carpet at the event. The couple, who have been married for six years, looked effortlessly chid as Saldana teamed her sequined rust-coloured dress by Michael Kors with a matching necktie, sequinned satin clutch, snakeskin platform heels, and purple embellished glowers in her hair. Her husband, meanwhile, kept it causal in a black tuxedo with an open-collared white shirt.
(Credit too long, see caption)
12/19 Charles Melton and Camila Mendes
Riverdale's Camila Mendes and Charles Melton attended their first Met Gala together this evening. Mendes wore a yellow feathered Prabal Gurung gown with a light blue bow tied around the back while her beau complemented her look in a dark Sies Marjan suit.
Getty Images
13/19 Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
The pair made their Met Gala pink carpet debut in coordinating looks. The singer wore a Saint Laurent sequin striped dress with a pair of sheer black dotted patterned leggings. Meanwhile, her husband wore a black suit that matched his wife’s outfit, perfectly.
Getty Images
14/19 Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter
Benedict Cumberbatch and Sophie Hunter turned things up a notch in their matching ensembles. The actor didn’t hold back in his all-white suit and fedora, while his wife donned a strapless lilac-hued dress with oversized billowing sleeves.
Getty Images
15/19 Cole Sprouse and Lili Reinhart
The Riverdale pair might have looked like they’d stepped from the pages of a children’s novel at tonight’s gala but their outfits surely packed a sartorial punch. Reinhart wore a blue strapless romper dress with oversized sleeves and a long train, while her beau wore a matching red sleeveless suit jacket and trousers that featured a floral motif.
(Credit too long, see caption)
16/19 Serena Williams and Alexis Ohanian
Williams stole the show on the night in a pair of neon yellow Nike trainers designed by Virgil Abloh and a bright yellow Versace floral-printed dress. She walked the red carpet with her husband of two years, who wore a black and white tuxedo.
PA
17/19 Baz Luhrmann, left, and Catherine Martin
Director Baz Luhrmann and his wife Catherine Martin matched in various shades of pink. Martin’s look capitalised on the night’s biggest trend –feathers – with the detailing featuring on the hem of her cuff and trouser legs.
Charles Sykes/Invision/AP
18/19 Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Hilfiger
Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo showed their patriotic side, dressed in a stars and striped motif inspired by the US flag.
(Credit too long, see caption)
19/19 Kris Jenner and Corey Gamble
Jenner looked almost unrecognisable in a blonde wig at the event, dressed in a custom jumpsuit and jacket from Tommy Hilfiger. Her partner, Corey Gamble, coordinated with Jenner’s look in a matching blue tuxedo.
(Credit too long, see caption)
Terms like “cookie-jarring” (dating someone as a back-up), “pocketing” (when your partner doesn’t want you around their friends and family) and “Fleabagging” (dating people who are wrong for you) are now all considered legitimate trends. Some are not quite as niche, like “orbiting” (liking someone’s social media posts without speaking to them), “cuffing” (being with someone just for winter) and “curving” (taking a long time to reply to messages) have earned a place in common parlance, particularly among young people and those who are active online.
Like in 1896, these words often originate in the media: whether on TV shows like Love Island, in the press, or more organically on social media a place where people can share terms that may previously have been confined to their region, friendship group or even relationship.
It is easy to poke fun, or dismiss them as PR jargon but they could serve a valuable psychological purpose, says Dr Daria Kuss, a psychology professor at Nottingham Trent University.
“Online dating has exponentially increased the possibilities to meet different people across hundreds of platforms and apps, leaving users overwhelmed with choice,” Kuss tells The Independent. “Labelling dating trends comes from people wanting to understand these new experiences, feel validated in their experiences, and being able to share them, which can be cathartic.”
This makes sense when you consider the majority of the terms describe negative behaviours. Nobody wants to feel like they are the only person who has dated someone who simply stopped replying to them, or been with a partner who made you feel unwelcome around their friends.
“It can have a cathartic function and build solidarity with others who have had similar experiences,” Kuss explains. “It may also help people to understand their own experiences and recognise these behaviours as rude or unacceptable.”
Madeleine Mason Roantree, dating and relationship psychologist at the Vida Consultancy, agrees that labelling behaviours can help create a sense of control over situations that seem uncontrollable.
“It makes talking about dating easier, too,” she tells The Independent. “The labels provide a short-hand for dating experiences so people don’t have to waste time elaborating details of dead-end dates to friends.”
But labelling dating trends can be problematic. When you give something a pithy moniker, it normalises it, making it seem less insidious incidentally vindicating it. Take “breadcrumbing”, for example. A dating trend where someone sends flirtatious, but non-committal, messages and likes their social media posts with no intention of actually pursuing them.
The idea is that by leaving “breadcrumbs” of hope, you can keep them interested in you. Not only is this completely unfair it’s selfish as well. But calling it “breadcrumbing” makes it sound less like manipulation and more like a challenge on The Great British Bake Off.
“Using labels helps people justify their own bad behaviour,” says Dr Max Blumberg, an evolutionary psychologist at Goldsmiths University. “Because if you say ‘I stopped contacting this person altogether and I’m never going to give them a reason for it’, it sounds really nasty. But if you say ‘I ghosted someone,’ it sounds less cruel.”
Blumberg went on to explain how, when these words become mainstream, our view of the actions they describe shifts because we people see them as a byproduct of the modern dating scene and are therefore more likely to both perpetuate and tolerate them.
This could actually hinder people’s chances of finding love, says dating psychologist Jo Hemmings. “Dating trends reinforce the idea that meeting someone online is ultimately doomed, or at least it’s going to be a pretty tough journey to navigate an enduring relationship,” she says.
Subscribing to all of the dating terms could also lead you to misunderstand a person’s actions and mean you judge them unfairly, says Marc Hester, consultant psychologist. “Labelling a behaviour will always carry a risk,” he says.
“As soon as we label something it becomes that thing. We act into the assumption that the label is true and adjust our behaviour accordingly. This can lead to the misinterpretation of a person’s conduct or a lack of consideration for the context of it.”
Dating today with its apps, swiping and profiles might feel very modern but Blumberg says the labels often describe behaviours that have always existed. “Dating is nothing new,” he says. “We’ve been doing it for centuries and many of the behaviours have not changed at all.”
The only difference now is that we’re all far more public with the intricacies and details of our relationships: whether that be watching strangers on reality TV or our friends broadcast their love on social media, dating has become a form of entertainment.
“We have become obsessed with looking at other people’s relationships for entertainment,” he explains. “And if you want something to be entertaining, having labels makes it much more so.


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